why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
