Where are you?
In a non slutty way
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
if i died would you start the facebook group?
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
