K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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