Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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