I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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