I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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