Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
