This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Randomize
