My nipple is on Facebook.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
