I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
