I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
