now i know why i became what i already was.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Randomize
