Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
