I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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