I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Randomize
