Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
