do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
