I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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