you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
