literally had 100 drinks last night.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Randomize
