I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
