the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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