So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
