you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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