you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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