Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Someone came in the potted fern
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
