i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
