His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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