This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Randomize
