On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
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