dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize