i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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