dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
It's no shave November. This is our time.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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