I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
