Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
You did what with his pubic hair?
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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