you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
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