Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize