He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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