So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
