We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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