all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
