I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize