Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Randomize