Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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