marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
