he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Randomize
