well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
