i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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