just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize