and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
