I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I am spending my child support on dildos
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
