there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
