We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
