I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
