So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
