He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
