After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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