I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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