Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I think my fart just growled at me.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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