So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
