We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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