we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
She told me I should be a condom model.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
