Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
