i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Randomize
