I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
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