Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
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