can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
