So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize