do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
