Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
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