Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
