I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Randomize
